He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
