real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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