Your dad touched me again.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We just shotgunned beers for America
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
