First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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