drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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