you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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