I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
