Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
