Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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