U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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