Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
