Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
