There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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