I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize