A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
