i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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