I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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