You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
