It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
