If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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