he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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