heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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