tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
