dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
