how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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