this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
