I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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