You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
