Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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