R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Duck Duck Cougar?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
