I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
