I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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