Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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