I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
