So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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