trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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