Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Oh god it's open bar.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
