Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize