I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
