I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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