just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
