6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
