Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
