Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
