You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
