they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
