Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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