dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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