Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
