I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
