Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize