holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
