my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
