I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize