sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
