dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i've created a new STD.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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