I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
