he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
