You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
