My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
