hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i think i just lost a toe
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
