I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
