Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize