I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
