I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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