i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Let's paint friendship bongs
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
