He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize